You May Now Miss The Bride

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up two years ago, and she's about to marry another guy. I admit that I'm not quite over her, and she knows this, so I'm not invited to the wedding. But we loved each other for many years, so it seems wrong to let such a big life event of hers pass without mention. Do I send a card? A gift? Put in a phone call?

--Former Boyfriend

When the woman you love is marrying someone else, it's natural to be of two minds -- one that says "Call and congratulate her!" and the other whispering, "Call in a bomb threat to the church on their wedding day!" Taking the classier approach will actually have benefits for you -- even beyond avoiding a lengthy trial and prison time. A growing body of research finds that "walking the walk" -- acting the way you'd like to feel -- is one of the fastest, most effective ways to change how you do feel. Basically, by acting as if you're over her, you'll help move yourself along to that point. So, yes, write out a congratulatory card. (A gift is unnecessary, and a call might be uncomfortable, especially if you and she end up playing phone tag and her fiance notices 26 messages from her ex.) In the card, you can simply say something like, "Wishing you guys all the best on your wedding day and many years of happiness!" Just avoid getting into specifics on the happiness thing, like how you'll always be there for her: "If your husband ever finds you in bed with another man, I'd like it to be me."