You Make Loving Fund

My wife and I have been married four months after dating a year. She's 40; I'm 34. Before we married, we agreed (because of our values) that the man pays the daily living expenses (rent/mortgage, bills, taxes, groceries). She said I should never rely on her for money, but said she'd help me if I needed it. I'm buying us a home, and I'm overwhelmed by bills. She wants a $3,000 mattress and a high-end bedroom set, and I asked her to help pay for them. She said she would, but I'd have to pay her back. What? Aren't a husband and wife supposed to support each other? She works full time as a manager and banks her earnings or spends money on herself. Before we married, we could compromise. Now she cuts me down and wants everything her way. And she could ask me how my day was once in a while. When I mentioned that, she said I was acting like a girl. She's very beautiful -- a former model -- but I've always told her I love her for who she is, not her beauty. I still love her and don't want to end our marriage.

--Strapped

Here's a woman who always has your best interest at heart. In fact, she's willing to offer you several percentage points less than you'd get at Payday Loans. Four months into wedded bills, uh, bliss, you're walking around muttering, "Aren't a husband and wife supposed to support each other?" Well, yes, unless they start their marriage by making other arrangements. Absurdly, you agreed to the family values financial plan -- the husband takes care of all the expenses. Typically, the husband does this because the wife is taking care of their home, their dogs, their ferrets, and their three overscheduled children. But, hey, at least your wife's got your back. Your back pocket, that is -- the one where you keep your wallet. What spouses put into a marriage doesn't always work out to 50/50, but there should at least be the spirit of 50/50. If you saw that in any way from your wife, you might have hope for a loving marriage. What you have instead seems like a marriage made in pragmatism. Chances are, she saw age 40 on final approach and figured she'd better lock in a funding source (you were conveniently located). Chances are, you realized she was out of your league, but figured you could bribe her into marrying you. You perhaps assumed that marriage would inspire her to act wifelike; as in, like a partner not a prostitute with a decorating budget. You claim you don't want to end your marriage. You're probably making a common error in rationality -- deciding to continue investing based on how much you've already invested instead of on what the future payoffs will be (or, in your case, payouts). You also claim to love your wife -- not for her stunning exterior, but for who she is on the inside (um, greedy, selfish, narcissistic, and snippy?). Come on. Surely what you love is preserving your ego -- telling yourself whatever it takes to avoid admitting, "Gee, was I ever gullible." Hey, whatever makes you happy, but it won't change who you're with -- a woman who sees you as her $chmoopie, her moneybunny, her blank checkiepoo. That aside, you can't help but admire the lady for being a go-getter (why wait for the divorce to take a guy for all he's worth?).