You Deplete Me

I don't have a romance issue, but it feels just as complicated. I need to dump a close friend. We meet for coffee each morning and email daily, but I've finally admitted to myself that I don't enjoy her company. Her dour outlook really depresses me. We spent two hours having drinks yesterday, and I felt a physical discomfort, like I could actually see my time being wasted. I can't tell her the truth: "You drain me." I'd really like to just disappear.

--Done

When you're breaking up with a romantic partner, you can at least put a positive spin on things: "We can be friends!" What do you say to a friend you're dumping, "We can be strangers who wordlessly pass each other on the sidewalk!"? There's no wonderful way to shut down a close friendship, but the cruelest way is just disappearing on somebody you see and talk to daily. You actually need to tell her it's over -- as briefly and kindly as possible -- and a note does that better than a face-to-face firing, which is icky and humiliating. Avoid personal attacks: "You're too this or that." Make your explanation about the dynamics -- you just have "different approaches to life," you're just not "clicking" anymore (don't mention that you never have). She may call and press you for details, so be prepared to stick to your short but vague story. In the future, avoid mistaking tenure for friendship. A friend worth having is somebody you respect and admire -- and the kind of person who's there for you when you're down, not the giant iron anchor that takes you there.