Wussy Galore

My fiancee and I were driving my drunk friend home from a party. He was saying rude things to her, but I knew he was just wasted and didn't mean them, so I didn't say anything. I thought my fiancee would also shrug it off, but she was mad and hurt that I didn't stand up for her. Is it that big a deal? Couldn't she have stood up for herself?

--Middleman

Yes, there's actually more to being an ideal partner to a woman than being able to unhook a bra with your teeth. A woman today may be perfectly capable of defending herself -- with her big mouth or her big pink handgun. However, she has an emotional operating system pushing her to go for men who show an ability and a willingness to protect her. This comes out of how, over millions of years of evolution, certain ladies' children were more likely to survive and pass on their mother's genes (and the psychology that rides along). Which children? Those whose mothers chose men who'd do more in an attack than, well, effectively crawl under the car seat and wish all the awfulness would stop. Your fiancee probably still feels resentful and maybe even thinks less of you for how you basically showed all the testosterone-driven fortitude of a geranium. Consider what grandpas everywhere call "having character": doing the right thing -- even when that kinda blows for you. If, in looking back, you would've done things differently, tell your fiancee. Then pledge that going forward, you'll be that kind of guy -- and protecting the person who means most to you won't involve pushing your girlfriend toward the grizzly bear so you'll have more time to make a run for it.