Wow Or Never

There are two women who arouse mega-chemistry in me when we hug, talk, etc. Unfortunately, neither is available. Though I'm basically attracted to the woman I'm dating (meaning she's the right height, weight, hair color, etc.), I don't feel those highs with her. So, my question is, can I make a go of this relationship even though I lack the tingly zest I have with the taken ladies?

--Missing The Whole Enchilada

Can you "make a go" of this relationship? Of course you can! Before you know it, you'll be booking one of those romantic weekend getaway packages to try to rekindle that magical indifference you felt at the start. Unfortunately, you can't work up to lusting after a woman, like by making your libido do pushups over her picture. We seem to have evolved to be subconsciously drawn to the smell of certain people -- those who have immune system genes different from ours, with whom we'd make a baby with a broader set of defenses against icky parasites and disease. Men, in particular, evolved to be hot for features that reflect high fertility, like a small waist, big eyes, and big pillowy lips. The right smell and physical features flick the "on" switch in what affective neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp calls your "seeking system," sending you signals (in the form of "tingly zest") -- much like a sign spinner holding up a big arrow, "Your penis here!" No, obviously, you can't have it all, but you have to have enough of it all -- enough of the hots for a woman, along with the hots for who she is as a human being. This isn't to say there won't be issues in bed, but you're more likely to solve them if the licensed professional best suited to help you is not the corner taxidermist.