Worst-Chase Scenario

I'm a guy, and I've noticed that many women (at cafes, etc.) give me flirtatious looks, suggesting they're interested in me, yet they never approach me. Why don't they just come over and say hi and get my number and call me or message me?

--Annoyed

It isn't hard to get a woman to chase you. Just grab her purse and take off down the street. However, as a dude, if you're looking for dates or a relationship, you should plan on doing the chasing rather than the waiting. "Males chase/females choose" evolved to be kind of a thing across species -- those in which the females get stuck with the greater share of child production and caretaking ("parental investment," in anthro terms). As evolutionary scientists Peter K. Jonason and Norman Li explain (in their research on playing hard to get), "the sex that bears the greater obligation to offspring is the more choosy sex (females in most species) and will put the opposite sex (usually males) through 'tests' for access." Keep in mind that many men will have sex with a woman they aren't all that interested in simply because she pursues them. (In guy terms: "My wrist is tired. You'll do.") In line with this, Jonason and Li's research finds that women benefit from playing hard to get in a way men do not. A woman who refrains from pursuing a man "may increase her perceived value" in his eyes and motivate him to work harder to pursue her. "In contrast," they write, "men who limit their availability may pay heavier costs than women will through the loss of potential mating opportunities." As for what this means for you, waiting for women to ask for your digits and blow up your phone with calls and texts is a fantastic idea -- if your mail comes addressed to Chris Hemsworth, 26 Movie Star Avenue. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.