When The Gooing Gets Tough

When my boyfriend and I are on the phone, he won't sign off with "I love you" if his guy friends are around. Meanwhile, these guys have met me, and most are in relationships. So what's with his cool act? I know he loves me. Why be embarrassed to say it publicly?

--Emotionally Honest

There are a lot of ways a man can show that he loves you. Does it really have to be "Hold on, guys, while I give my balls to my girlfriend!"? Women often think it's a bad sign if a man won't go all "wuvvywoo poopielou" in front of his bros. This worry is understandable -- because it's no biggie (and actually kind of a status thing) for a woman to do that in front of the girls. But sex differences researchers Anne Campbell and Joyce Benenson point out that women -- the caregivers of the species -- evolved to bond through sharing vulnerabilities. This is how they show other women that they aren't a threat. Men, however, evolved to be in a constant battle for dominance. They succeed socially by displaying toughness, not giggling behind their hands like Japanese schoolgirls (but with facial hair and Hello Kitty wallet chains). In other words, when you love a man, you show it by not demanding that his phone calls with you end in a social hanging. He'll feel better, and you'll ultimately respect him more. Sure, like other women, you may believe you want the ever mushy-ready "sensitive man" -- until you start despising him for his compliance and dump him for someone a little more action hero. Those guys are men of few words -- words like "I'll be back" and not "Yes, dear, I'll be back with a box of super-plus extra-absorbency unscented."