When Push Comes To Love

I've been dating a 55-year-old guy for a year. I have two teenage boys; he has no kids. He initially mentioned marriage but now doesn't want to "rush" moving in with me and my boys. As a first step, he's moving closer. He just signed a lease on an apartment near me. I love him, but I'm overwhelmed handling two teenagers alone. Should I tell him he needs to speed up the pace?

--Questioning His Commitment

If a relationship leads to an outpouring of feelings, a man tends to prefer "You're the love of my life!" to "Screw you! You're not my real dad!" Perhaps because you're seeing this through "I need a break!"-colored glasses, you confuse being careful with not caring. But zoologist Amotz Zahavi has some good news for you. His research finds that when a message involves some expense to the sender, it's more likely to be for real. For example, anyone can claim they're committed, but as the saying goes, talk is cheap. Moving, however, is not. It's costly. Stressful. Horrible. Especially if you are older than 21 and own more than a sleeping bag, a Nintendo, and a couple of bongs. Your boyfriend may ultimately decide that the package here isn't for him, but pressuring him is unlikely to help. In fact, it's likely to pressure him right out of your life. There's a reason he doesn't have kids, and it probably isn't that he was too put off by the possibility of life imprisonment to kidnap a few at the mall.