What's Not To Lick

I'm friends with this guy. Only friends, and he knows it. But lately, we'll be on the phone, talking about our businesses, and he'll suddenly start talking dirty (saying sex things he wants to do with me). I just make a joke and get off the phone, but then he'll do it again the next time. How do I get him to stop?

--Uncomfortable

You get a lot out of your friendship -- but last you checked your Venmo, not $2.99 a minute. There you are, talking about your plans for the third quarter, and there are the guy's sex thoughts -- kind of like a goat ambling into your living room. As annoying as this must be, his being motivated to do it isn't inexplicable. In surveying the scientific literature on sexual desire, Roy Baumeister and his colleagues find evidence for what many of us probably suspect or believe: Men, in general, have a far stronger sex drive than women. This is reflected in how, among other things, men "experience more frequent sexual arousal, have more frequent and varied fantasies, desire sex more often, desire more partners, masturbate more, want sex sooner, are less able or willing to live without sexual gratification," and are often interested in freakier stuff. (It isn't women who show up at the emergency room all "TOTAL MYSTERY TO ME, DUDE!" about how that reading lamp or Butterscotch the hamster got up there.) You can most likely get him to stop -- but not through hinting or hanging up when the conversation goes "what I'd like to do to you with my tongue"-ward. Tell him straight out: "Hey, from now on, we need to keep the raunchy talk out of our phone conversations. Makes me seriously uncomfortable." There's a time and place for everything, and sex talk suddenly flying into your casual conversations is like placing your order at a drive-thru speaker -- "Hi...I'd like the cheeseburger with fries" -- and hearing heavy breathing and then a low male voice: "That'll be $8.97...and a picture of your feet."