Waking Up Rusted

My girlfriend loves to "spoon" when we sleep. She says it makes her feel safe and loved. I have recently developed spinal problems and have to sleep on my back like a corpse with this weird neck pillow. I'll put my hand on her thigh to make her feel connected, but it's not really cutting it. I suspect this reminds her of her marriage falling apart and her now ex-husband sleeping on the other side of the bed with a bunch of pillows between them.

--Ouch

Sometimes a person's need feel to safe and loved has to be forgone for the other person's need to not be an Oxy-addicted hunchback at 45. You can surely understand where she's coming from. Nothing like going from sleeping lovingly intertwined with somebody to feeling as if you're sleeping next to an open casket. This may feel even worse for your girlfriend if she does associate physical distance with emotional distance, having had an ex who built a Berlin Wall of pillows between them and would only have been farther away in bed if he'd slept on the floor. What you can do is promise to make it up to her with extra affection when you're out of bed -- and do that: Go to cuddlesville when you're watching TV together; shower with her; put your arms around her and kiss her head while she's washing a mug. (P.S. This is also a smart practice for men who don't sleep on a foam log.) Love does involve making sacrifices, but one of them probably shouldn't be no longer being able to feel your toes.