Urine For Surprises!

On both of my dinner dates with this guy, he's excused himself to the bathroom and taken forever. Longer than any girl I know. Like, 10 minutes. Although I barely know him, he doesn't seem vain or like someone who'd be doing drugs. We're going out again, and I hate to be rude and pry, but I'm really starting to wonder.

--Mystified

It could be something intestinal. Protozoan sock hop? Parasite pride rally? He could've been calling his wife or his bookie or enjoying a mid-date masturbation break. Or, maybe he just needed a good cry. Saying nothing to him sets you up as an easy mark if he's a scammer, and as a pushover if he's just a garden-variety jerk. Saying something is less uncomfortable if you use humor. Next time he returns from a sabbatical in a stall, maybe ask "That time of the month again?" and see if he offers some sort of explanation or just asks to borrow a tampon. If you keep dating him, put him on double secret probation and be prepared for the other shoe to drop (perhaps in a Larry Craig "wide stance"). A guy who takes a 10-minute bathroom break needn't lay out all the icky details, but one who isn't socially incompetent, devoid of empathy or too troubled to care will volunteer some hint that he wasn't snorting lines of powder off the toilet seat ("I picked up something in Guatemala, and it wasn't one of those brightly colored bags").