Two Brokeback Girls

I'm a butch lesbian with a crush on a (supposedly) straight married lady who's very tomboyish. She has a number of lesbian friends, and I suspect her husband is in the closet. I keep telling her she's "culturally gay" (because she dresses "soft butch" -- combat boots, cords, etc. -- and because of some of her attitudes), but I actually think there's more to it than that. She insists she's straight but seems weirdly upset by my comments.

--Be Who You Are

Why not just say it right out: "There's the closet. Could you please sit in there for a half-hour and come out ready to leave your husband?" I personally find it tragic when gay people feel they have to "ungay" themselves by living straight, but respecting another person's privacy means accepting that they get to choose which parts of their life they'll be taking commentary on. In other words, by picketing a baker who won't make a cake for a gay wedding, you're exercising your free speech rights, but it's way out of line for you to effectively picket somebody's relationship: "We're here! We're queer! And guess what: So are the two of you!" And no, this isn't justified by your creation of an updated Kinsey scale -- one that measures female homosexual desire based on a woman's choice of footwear and whether she accessorizes with a welding mask. So, instead of trying to drag this woman (by her wallet chain) out of her marriage, turn your attention to a woman who's single and out. Respect that for your friend, Prince Charming may very well be that dude from the Disney movies, determined as you are to recast him as a soldier of fortune crossed with a lady gym teacher.