Trading What's-His-Faces

I'm a 34-year-old woman who's been in a yearlong relationship with a wonderful man. I've caught myself several times almost calling him by my ex's name. Surely, this means something, but what? I loathe my ex and regret spending seven long years with him. Still, could I have unresolved feelings for him?

--Disturbed

It's like when you pour orange juice on your cereal instead of milk, which surely only happens because you've been having sex dreams about fruit salad. If your near name slips are a sign of anything, it's probably that you need a snack and a nap. Your brain is an energy hog, so it likes to cut corners where it can, especially when you're tired. Basically, like your web browser, it's big on autofill. In researcher-speak, this means it makes "retrieval errors" -- reaching into the right file drawer but just grabbing any old name and then going, "Yeah, whatever...good enough." Research by psychological anthropologist Alan Page Fiske finds that the biggest predictors for name swapping are the same "mode of relationship" -- like here, where both names are from the boyfriend zone -- and being "of the same gender." Boringly reassuring, I hope. There's also a boringly simple fix -- from memory researcher David Balota: asking and answering the question "What is my current boyfriend's name?" using "spaced retrieval." This means setting a timer for, say, 15 seconds and then 45 seconds and then two minutes so you're recalling the name on demand (as opposed to just reciting it over and over again). You might also try to see these near errors as a sign of the rich tapestry of our bustling modern lives, or some bullshit like that. At least that's what I tried to tell myself last week when I got off the phone with "Love you!" and heard back, "Um, yes, ma'am. Thank you for choosing AT&T."