Toad Rage

I'm in my early 40s and newly divorced. I fooled around with this guy -- my first time with somebody besides my husband in 12 years. We had weekend plans, but two days passed with no texts from him. I texted him angrily, repeatedly telling him he'd hurt my feelings, and he cut off contact. Now, months later, he has resurfaced, saying I've been in his thoughts. What could he want?

--Puzzled

Men you've dated briefly will sometimes resurface -- much like bloated dead bodies in New York's East River. As for why this one's coming around again, chances are, the paint on "she's crazy" dried and he remembered that you are also pretty and do that crazy thing with your tongue. Okay, so you were short on nonchalance in your first post-divorce dating situation. After a long sex-and-affection famine, a newly divorced woman, like any starving refugee, is unlikely to simply nudge a hot piece of meat around on her plate like one of those skeletal "ladies who lunch" (but do not eat). The truth is you probably weren't going off on him merely because he failed to meet your text-pectations. Your behavior most likely stemmed from what psychologists call a "priming effect," describing how exposure to one situation colors how you react to another. Being mindful of this can help you tell a guy what you need and give him a chance to come through -- instead of immediately texting him with all the casual cool of a kidnapper demanding a bag of small unmarked bills. Should you give this guy another chance, see that you're only asking questions he's prepared to answer, like where he went to elementary school and why his previous relationship ended -- not "Will I be alone forever?" and "Wanna come over and try to fill the vast void I have inside?"