To Halve And Halve Not

I've been with two men for nearly 10 years. (Yes, they know about each other.) My BFF has been my boyfriend on and off, but he broke my trust long ago, and the sex isn't good. The other man's an amazing lover, but we just have a weekly fling because he's in a relationship. Friends say to drop both and start fresh, but that's not so easy! Seeing the fling guy endears me more to the BFF, and seeing the BFF makes me long for the fling guy.

--Stuck

When they say that to find a prince you have to kiss a lot of toads, this isn't supposed to mean kissing the same two toads a lot -- week after week, for 10 years. Now, Flotsam and Jetsam here aren't without their merits, such as how being with one endears you to the other -- much in the way stomach flu must make you long for strep throat. And if, as a little girl, you lay awake imagining yourself being shuffled between an untrustworthy bad lover and a man with a girlfriend, well then, congrats -- you're living your dream. Otherwise, perhaps you've forgotten something: You have freedom of choice and lots of men out there to choose from. Of course, for freedom of choice to work, you actually have to choose -- have standards and not drop them and your panties every time a bad deal texts you that it wants to come over. No, it won't be "easy." It's just what you have to do if you want more -- like a guy who can't wait to see you, and not because his girlfriend's yoga class is only 45 minutes or he's hot to make up for violating your trust with some unsatisfying sex.