The Truth About Catfish And Dogs

I'm a 39-year-old woman dating for the first time since the '90s. I'm doing the online thing, and none of these guys look like their photos! It's incredible. When we meet, they always say, "You look just like your pictures." Isn't that the point?

--Frustrated

Guy, in online dating profile: "I'm 55!" Guy's neck, when you meet for coffee: "I was a war hero. In the Peloponnesian War." Unfortunately, Mr. Peloponnesian Pants On Fire has plenty of company on dating sites. In fact, about a third of the photos people post aren't true to life, according to research by psychologist Jeffrey T. Hancock. Sometimes, that's due to Photoshop; sometimes, the photo is less-than-current; and sometimes, along the lines of "every picture tells a story," the story is "This is how I'd look if I were someone else entirely." That last kind of lie -- posting photos of somebody else -- is less common than other photographic deceptions, because, as Hancock notes, people have to balance looking good enough to meet with not making somebody stomp angrily away once they do. The same goes for the other lies people tell. Hancock also finds that 81 percent of people on dating sites are lying about their height, weight, and age -- but often just a little. So, where you go wrong is in your expectations -- expecting online daters to be truthful. As with eBay, a big benefit of dating sites is quantity -- instant access to countless prospects. But there's also a big tradeoff: quality. Going forward, assume everyone on a dating site is lying. Meet prospective partners as soon as possible and as casually as possible. If you're throwing back a $4 latte, as opposed to waiting for the waitress to bring the entree, it's a little easier to make a quick exit from the guy decades older than his picture: "Wow, will you look at the time?! I didn't realize 20 years had passed since we set up our date."