The Things We Do Fur Love

My sweet boyfriend always leaves his nose hair and beard trimmings in the sink. He claims he forgets to wipe up afterward and asks, "Is it that big of a deal?" Am I being petty, or is this disrespectful when you share a space with somebody?

--Annoyed

Surely, your boyfriend eventually notices dropped bits of beard hair -- about when the sink starts panting and pawing in response to "Here, boy!" However, chances are he's leaving you a furry sink not out of disrespect but because he goes into a behavioral coma. This comes out of how our brain conserves energy by creating stored strings of behavior. The first time you ride a bike or eat with a spoon, you have to put conscious thought into each step. But with time and practice, the sequence becomes automatic and unconscious. Eventually, when you get a bowl of oatmeal, you just eat; you don't need to figure out how to load up the spoon and manage that "Bzzzz, here comes Mr. Airplane..." thing that transports the oatmeal to Mr. Tummy. Research on habit change by psychologist Wendy Wood and her colleagues suggests that "disrupting" the usual physical sequence of a stored behavior can jolt a person out of autopilot, triggering their conscious mind to take over. You can disrupt your boyfriend's beard-snipping routine simply by changing where the scissors get stored. Maybe put them in a kitchen cabinet for a while -- and of course, clue him in and explain why. Yes, this could actually work to get him to remember your "Yoo-hoo...sinkiepoo!" However, what ultimately matters is how you treat each other. If your sink continues to have a five o'clock shadow, maybe decide to just laugh about your sweet daydreamy slob instead of going all toxic-ragey "I'll show him!" and throwing out the beard clippings yourself -- by dragging the sink to the curb.