The Speaky Wheel

My girlfriend wants me to compliment her more -- to notice how she looks and say something. I know I'm not Mr. Effusive. But honestly, if I didn't find her hot, I wouldn't even be with her!

--Still Here!

It may not come naturally to you to effuse, but civilization is all about doing what doesn't come naturally. Note that chimps in the wild are rarely observed wearing shoes, ties, and cuff links. Many men complain that women's idea of communicating what they want is hinting, pouting, or slamming drawers while insisting nothing's wrong. You, however, have a woman who comes right out and tells you, "Here's what you could do to make me happy," and it doesn't even involve risking jail time or going on a double date with her mother. Her simple request: When she's, say, vacuuming in her new underwear and your jaw drops, run with that. Make it go up and down, and make words come out. Basically, the terrorism prevention line applies: "If you see something, say something." Put a daily reminder on your phone if you have to. For added incentive, consider the fringe benefits. Research by social psychologist Sara Algoe finds that the stock-taking that goes into expressing appreciation for a romantic partner actually makes the person doing it feel more satisfied with the relationship. Not surprisingly, being appreciated seems to do the same for the recipient. And yes, you have to do the appreciating using the spoken word. Nonverbal creative alternatives are only (borderline) acceptable if you are a working mime or birthday party clown, and even then, there's always something lost in translation with balloon animals.