The Silent Scram

I was dating this girl for about three weeks, but I just wasn't really feeling it, so I "ghosted" -- stopped asking her out and just didn't respond to her texts. Some of my friends said I was mean to "ghost," but honestly, I think it's a lot kinder than telling somebody you're not into them. Why have an uncomfortable conversation when you can just slip out and everybody is spared?

--Faded Away

Why take 45 seconds to text a girl that it's over when you can make her obsess about you for two months straight, stalk you on Instagram, and bore her friends catatonic with "Is his phone broken? Is my phone broken? Did he see that drunken Facebook post? Should I have waxed my moustache?" Wordlessly disappearing on somebody you've spent more than a couple of hours with at a coffee bar is a kick in their dignity -- telling them they aren't even important enough for you to tell them they aren't important. It also makes a person go unnecessarily berserko, due to what's called the "Zeigarnik effect." Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik observed that unfinished business causes administrative problems for our mind -- leaving it in a "state of tension" and causing it to annoy us (over and over) to get "closure" on whatever's been interrupted and left incomplete. This isn't to say you owe a woman a detailed rundown on your feelings; you just need to tell her that you're done. Ideally, open with something complimentary, and then bring down the ax: "Not working for me." "Not feeling it." That sort of thing. She'll cry, she'll eat some cake, and she'll move on. Ultimately, if you want to be kind, a breakup should feel more like ripping off a Band-Aid than hysterically searching for your car for four hours in a multi-level parking structure.