The Flirt Locker

My boyfriend of two months doesn't seem insecure. But last week, after we left a party, he said it was humiliating that I was flirting with this good-looking guy in front of all of his friends. That guy is a professional photographer, and I was just asking for some tips. I'm annoyed because I don't think I did anything wrong.

--Social Butterfly

If you go to a party with your new boyfriend and spend a half-hour mesmerized by another guy, it helps if the guy's wearing a feather boa and size 15 women's shoes. Assuming your boyfriend isn't insecure and you aren't covertly on the prowl, it's the optics that are the problem. A guy's buddies are both supportive and competitive -- sometimes looking out for him and sometimes looking for his Achilles' heel so they can poke it with a sharp stick. So, what to you is a totally platonic conversation, to the guys standing across the room with your boyfriend, comes off like you're sitting in some dude's lap and licking his earlobe. The good news is the optics can also be the solution. Engaging in sporadic touchyfeely with your boyfriend -- hugging him, kissing or stroking his cheek -- can be a sort of ad for "I'm with him, and I plan to continue that." It's bad to let a boyfriend curtail who you are, but it helps to be sensitive to how even innocent extraversion can come off to an audience, especially in the early stages of a relationship. No guy wants to bring around his hot new car and then watch as some other guy gets his fingerprints all over the hood.