The Eager Has Landed

I'm a 26-year-old guy. In four years, I've taken three dozen women on one or two dates each. Without fail, I get rejected. I've tried changing things up -- shameless flirting instead of casual small talk, etc. -- but the result is always the same. I'm not some loser. I have a cool job and an active social life. But I'm the common denominator in things not working out. What am I doing wrong that I can't even swing a third date?

--Bummed

Consider the fine-French-restaurant approach. Before the first course is served, the chef will sometimes send you out a tiny, delectable palate teaser, called an "amuse-bouche" (mouth amuser) -- as opposed to sending out two burly waiters to hold you down and force-feed you a vat of stew. (What's French for "fatten you up for the kill"?) In other words, chances are, your problem is one of presentation -- and yours is probably dragging you across the loserhood equator from nice to needy. Granted, you won't be every woman's cauldron of bouillabaisse, and maybe some of your prospects were out of your league. But 36 different women? That's three egg cartons of ladies all saying nuh-uh to a second or third date with you. And if there's one thing that women have in common, it's the ability to sniff out Eau Pleeeeeease, Pick Meeee! on a guy. Consider "the scarcity principle," which, as social psychologist Robert Cialdini explains, describes how we tend to long for what's out of reach. Try a little test: Make an effort to make much less effort. Ask women about themselves instead of trying to hard-sell them on you (either by singing your own praises or complimenting them senseless). As I often advise, keep your dates cheap, short, and local. Especially short. (Leave them wanting more instead of less.) And sure, text a woman -- once, the afternoon after, not 26 times in the 20 seconds after you drop her off. If you and a woman get into a long-distance thing, it shouldn't be because you'll go to jail if you violate the 100-yard rule mandated by the judge.