The Deadliest Kvetch

My buddy's wife never sets me up with her friends, and I'm starting to get offended. The guy she does set up is a total player who just sleeps with girls a few times and then dumps them. Clearly, he's getting preferential matchmaker treatment because he's better-looking. I'd like a chance with these girls before he burns through them. Should I bring this up to my buddy or his wife or just grin and bear it?

--Annoyed

Apparently, the telepathic messages you've been sending her were stopped by their neighbors' chimney. (Just a guess, but do you also do poorly trying to tidy up your house by moving objects around with your mind?) Unbunch your panties. There's a good chance that wifey's true motivation isn't fixing this guy up but fixing him. While many men enjoy taking apart and reassembling cars, many women enjoy taking apart and reassembling men. They like to believe that if they just find a bad boy the "right" woman, he'll become the right man -- settle down, get married, and go so daddy-track that he stops just short of personally lactating. What you need to do (after you have that huge chip on your shoulder removed) is ask your buddy's wife to make you her project -- like a pound puppy in need of a good home. Before you know it, one of her girlfriends should be dressing you up in a bee costume and posting the photos to Instagram. (Sorry...was that not what you meant when you were thinking "doggie-style"?)