The Dawg Whisperer

In the wake of revelations about Sandra Bullock's cheating husband, I'm wondering about your take on why she's with him. She doesn't seem like the usual low self-esteem type who goes for bad boys.

--In Bad Boy Recovery Myself

It seems women have a crafting gene. Martha Stewart taps into hers, and like a one-woman swarm of rickracking, sponge-painting locusts, transforms everything in her path. Other women start by perking up flowerpots and end tables and move on to unsuitable men. There's no rush like walking into a room with a changed man on one's arm (even better than the feeling of having much better shoes than all the other women at the party). There's evidence this transformation is doable -- at least in movies starring Jennifer Aniston. The ideal subject is the man no other woman has been able to domesticate. The woman tells herself he just hasn't met the right woman (her, of course!). With her unique brand of beauty and heart, she will do the impossible: paper-train the wolf and get him to roll over on command. It's love as brainwashing, "Beauty and the Beast" with a pole-dancing twist: "I'll make you forget those strippers!" Unfortunately, like the leopard and his spots, the wolf and his big-boobed, tatted-up she-wolves are not soon parted. There's a reason Bullock's husband previously married a porn star, and it probably isn't because he thinks porn stars make the best mothers. Maybe he wanted to turn over a new leaf with Bullock, and maybe he did for a while, becoming the sort of guy who rides the lawn mower into the sunset instead of the chopper into the strip club parking lot. But, change is hard, maybe even impossible, save for the most determined and self-disciplined. Even they may have to hit bottom a few times (and, no, not the naked, tattooed kind). So, if you'd like to stay "in bad boy recovery," the most you should ever expect is to influence a man -- maybe to cut back on foods labeled "screamin' hot nacho cheese-flavored" and to avoid dressing like he was naked and ran into a Salvation Army and put on whatever was closest to the door. Look for a guy who already seems together, and take a good look at his past because it's a pretty good key to what (or who) he'll do in the future. Should you find yourself jonesing for a project, see what you can do with a hot glue gun, a spray can of gold paint, and 26 packages of macaroni. Whatever you come up with, it'll at least be distracting, and definitely less misery-inducing than that fun game you project daters like to play, "Spot the tall, dark, handsome captain of industry in the chronically unemployed drug user with the personality disorder."