The Bedder Business Bureau

I'm a woman with a male business partner. He just got a new girlfriend, and he pretty much goes MIA whenever he goes to visit her. It can take him up to two days to return my phone calls, and I'll have to call or text two or three times to get him to respond. (I'm contacting him about business, not social stuff.) He is usually -- well, used to be -- very available by phone. His disappearing act when he's with the girlfriend is really annoying and detrimental to our business and, frankly, pretty disrespectful. I've made jokes about it, but nothing's changed. Help.

--Annoyed

"Hello, Search and Rescue? Can you send out a team? I think my business partner is lost in his girlfriend's pants." Tempting as it must be to blast your partner for constantly leaving you in the telephonic lurch, you'd be better off simply telling him that it feels really crappy to have your calls and texts go ignored for days; you feel disrespected. Research by social psychologist C. Daniel Batson and his colleagues suggests that we have an evolved motivation to try to alleviate others' pain, to help other humans who are struggling emotionally (or are otherwise in need). However, there's a caveat: If a person's pain or need is expressed with an attack on our behavior, we're likely to go into fight-back mode instead of "there, there, lemme see what I can do to make things better" mode. As for why you have yet to get through to him, you write, "I've made jokes about it, but nothing's changed." Jokes are just the thing if you're putting on a show with a two-drink minimum; not so much if you're trying to communicate your needs (especially to a man). The same goes for hints. Instead, opt for healthy assertiveness -- from the start. Figure out what you need -- how soon you'd like to have a callback -- and then express that. You may not get exactly the timetable you want, but this at least opens up a discussion: "Call you back within three hours?" he responds -- countering with "Ehh...how about five hours?" You should ultimately find this approach vastly more productive than going snarky and, say, suggesting that he and his girlfriend make love like they do in the movies -- specifically, the video in which Paris Hilton answers the phone in the middle of having sex.