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APPLIED SCIENCE EXPERT AMY ALKON
Empowering you through science for your best health and boldest life
The Balance Of Cower
Jessi
I’d like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I’m a 32-year-old woman who’s happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I’m second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. I know you're going to tell me to look beyond my "checklist,” but since I have high standards for myself, shouldn’t a guy I’m with have something going for him, too? How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?
To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says “senior vice-president.” “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is -- unless you’re a woman, in which case, it’s about as man-magnetizing as mentioning “Well, yes, each of my late husbands did die under mysterious circumstances, but, heh, heh, the D.A. was never able to pin anything on me.” Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. ‘04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn’t the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started. Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis’ study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against “parental uncertainty” -- unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for “behavioral expressions of vulnerability” -- women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street without male intervention. Men’s magazines never have screaming cover lines like “How to Meet Really Average-Looking Women!” and “Top 10 Ways to Bag a 5.5!” But, for most men, beautiful women, like powerful women, are too much work. Too hard to approach, to talk to, and especially, to hang onto: “She’ll get to my place early…one look at the guy with the abs next door, and that’ll be that!” You’ve probably met men who think like this. Well, not met them, exactly. Just had them yell at you on their way out of the bar: “Find some other poor schlub to lick your boots, Beyoncé!” Time to quit your job and catch up on your ugly sleep? No, time to locate a guy who’s comfortable enough with who he is and what he does to be comfortable dating you, then drop your CrackBerry and the steely corporate warrior act and flirt like a drunk receptionist. A guy who’s your equal will be accomplished, and a guy who’s accomplished will probably have money, and if you’re like a lot of women, you’ll end up resenting a guy who doesn’t. Sure, there might be a master carpenter or two out there who’s man enough to be with you. But, chances are, you’ll find more boyfriend candidates while big-game hunting (in the jungle or the black-tie benefit jungle) than by continuing your efforts to dig small potatoes out of the corner bar.
--Deluxe Chopped Liver
To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says “senior vice-president.” “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is -- unless you’re a woman, in which case, it’s about as man-magnetizing as mentioning “Well, yes, each of my late husbands did die under mysterious circumstances, but, heh, heh, the D.A. was never able to pin anything on me.” Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. ‘04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn’t the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started. Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis’ study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against “parental uncertainty” -- unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for “behavioral expressions of vulnerability” -- women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street without male intervention. Men’s magazines never have screaming cover lines like “How to Meet Really Average-Looking Women!” and “Top 10 Ways to Bag a 5.5!” But, for most men, beautiful women, like powerful women, are too much work. Too hard to approach, to talk to, and especially, to hang onto: “She’ll get to my place early…one look at the guy with the abs next door, and that’ll be that!” You’ve probably met men who think like this. Well, not met them, exactly. Just had them yell at you on their way out of the bar: “Find some other poor schlub to lick your boots, Beyoncé!” Time to quit your job and catch up on your ugly sleep? No, time to locate a guy who’s comfortable enough with who he is and what he does to be comfortable dating you, then drop your CrackBerry and the steely corporate warrior act and flirt like a drunk receptionist. A guy who’s your equal will be accomplished, and a guy who’s accomplished will probably have money, and if you’re like a lot of women, you’ll end up resenting a guy who doesn’t. Sure, there might be a master carpenter or two out there who’s man enough to be with you. But, chances are, you’ll find more boyfriend candidates while big-game hunting (in the jungle or the black-tie benefit jungle) than by continuing your efforts to dig small potatoes out of the corner bar.
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