The Awful Poof

A female friend set me up with one of her girlfriends, and we went for drinks. There was no love connection, though there was some light kissing afterward (for maybe 30 seconds). Neither of us reached out to the other post-date. Well, my friend just yelled at me for "ghosting out" on her friend. Do I really need to "break up" with somebody after one date?

--Chastised

This friend's notion of what you owe somebody after the first date verges on expecting you to march up to strangers in the supermarket and announce, "I've decided that I'm just not that into you." She's accusing you of "ghosting," which describes disappearing on somebody you've been dating or in a relationship with without so much as a text goodbye. Being ghosted is humiliating; it's the statement without the statement that you not only have no value but have ceased to exist. However, in order to ghost someone, there needs to be a relationship of sorts and some expectation you'd be seeing each other again, which, on the first date, you really can't have. Sure, some kindly worded goodbye is in order if you have sex on the first date or if your date texts, calls, or emails you. But otherwise, there's no obligation for closure after the first date, because, well, nothing was really opened yet. It's essentially the dating version of those free samples at the supermarket. After you take that toothpick of beef sate, the lady in the white apron and the paper hat just smiles and says, "Enjoy!"; she doesn't chase you through the frozen foods section, demanding to know whether you're going to take the whole cow.