Tents Situation

I read in Bon Appetit about this woman who takes all her dates to Olive Garden to see whether they judge her when she pockets all the leftover breadsticks. Okay, whatever. But what I wanna see is whether somebody's a good person. What kind of dates do you suggest for determining a potential boyfriend's character and values?

--Concerned Woman

People often say you can discover a person's true character from how they treat the waiter. And sure, rudeness to a waiter is a red flag, but it isn't like we easily identify the sociopaths among us because they summon the server referee-style, by blowing a whistle. It helps to consider the roots of good behavior -- moral behavior, that is: why people are good to other people. Evolutionary cognitive scientists Dan Sperber and Nicolas Baumard explain that "People may behave morally because they intrinsically value doing so -- a genuine moral reason -- or in order to gain the approval of others." But there's a complication: We all care about our reputation and doing things that put us in the best light, which is to say both the worst people and the best people behave better when they know they're being watched. A person's true character will come out over time. But there's a way to speed up the dirtbag detection process: observe a person's behavior under harsh conditions. In other words, consider getting kidnapped and held hostage together by the Albanian mob -- or, if that's a little impractical for you, go camping or even just hike some challenging trail. When the chips are down (like if you get injured), that's when you see: Is he there for you, or is he the type to leave you to die in the wilderness? "I'd totally make a tourniquet for you, but this is a $400 Burberry shirt. Good luck!" ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.