Socks And The City

I'm a 31-year-old straight guy. I dress pretty boringly -- except for my socks. I go for crazy colors and patterns. My buddy says these make me look "weird" and "less manly." Come on. Do women really want you to be a carbon copy of every black-sock-wearing dude out there?

--Mr. Fun

In the sock department, as in other areas, it's the nuances that count. So, go ahead and make a statement -- but maybe one that stops short of "I'm really a Japanese schoolgirl!" Novelty sock wearing for men has actually been a thing in North America for a few years. The really wacky ones may work as what anthropologists and animal behaviorists call a "costly signal." This is an extravagant or risky trait or behavior that comes with a substantial price -- handicapping a person's or critter's survival or chances of mating -- thus suggesting that it's a reliable sign of their quality. An example is a peacock with a particularly lush (and heavy) tail. His managing to escape predators while dragging around big feathered hindquarters like a train on a royal wedding dress tells peahens (girl peacocks) that he must be a real Chuck Norris among big feathery birds. Still, there are costly signals -- "I'm man enough" -- and too-costly signals: "It's raining men! Hallelujah!" To figure out where the line lies for you, average all the variables: degree of manliness, girliness of sock choice, occupation (like if you're a British graphic designer or a guy who goes to work in oversize red shoes), and the eccentricity level of the women you like. But keep in mind that certain socks are risky for any man, such as -- and yes, these actually exist -- Superman insignia socks, complete with tiny red capes attached. Sure, let your socks tell a woman that you want to take her home with you -- but maybe not so you can tear off all your clothes and make her watch as you play with your action figures in your Superman Underoos.