Skirt Stake

Last year, I got out of a bad marriage. My husband withheld sex (despite my keeping up my appearance), and it really made me question my desirability. I'm now ready for a relationship, but I only seem to attract guys seeking one-night stands. I did start dressing in very sexy clothing, and my best friend (who's no prude) suspects this is sending the wrong signals.

--Overcompensating?

When you're looking for a relationship, it's okay to arrive at dates dressed like you just got off work -- providing you don't look like the vice president of jumping out of cakes in not much more than body glitter. Research by psychologist Cari Goetz suggests that men see revealing clothing as a sort of billboard advertising women's availability for "short-term mating" ("till daylight do us part!"). And though you want a relationship, consider whether you're subconsciously seeking some (short-term) reassurance about your hotitude. It might help to recognize that your husband's behavior probably had more to do with something about him than something about your appearance. (After all, some pretty underkempt people manage to get it on.) To advertise your interest in a relationship, wear clothes that are form-following instead of pore-following. Per evolutionary psychology research on what men are attracted to, what seems essential is highlighting your waist -- revealing your figure to be more hourglass than beer keg. And consider that one of the easiest ways to look attractive is by walking tall -- moving in a way that conveys sexy confidence (even if that isn't quite how you feel). Sexy from within is what relationship-minded men are looking for -- as opposed to the sort of sexy that, when you lean forward at the bar, gets a dermatologist tapping you on the shoulder: "You know, you really should get that mole on your inner thigh looked at."