Sister Knives

My sister dates super hot guys, but she's always telling me that looks aren't what matter and I should go for a man who's stable and reliable. Is she looking out for me? How come she doesn't follow her own advice? It seems weirdly hypocritical.

--Puzzled

Charmingly, the men your sister picks for herself look like they could work in strip clubs, while men she picks for you look like accountants who've invested strip malls. Welcome to "the Juliet effect," as named by evolutionary scientists Robert Biegler and Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair. In Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet," Juliet's mom -- let's call her Mrs. Capulet -- was working her own agenda in giving her daughter advice on who to marry. Mrs. Capulet was pushing her daughter to go for Count Paris, a boringly stable rich guy from a good family. Juliet, of course, only had eyes for Romeo, the off-limits hottie, whose family was basically the feuding Italian Hatfields to the Capulet's McCoys. It turns out that Shakespeare was something of an intuitive evolutionary psychologist. Parents do want the best for you -- uh, that is, except when what's best for you diverges with what's best for them. The same goes for your siblings. These fun intra-family conflicts are called "parent-offspring competition" and "sibling competition" by evolutionary psychologists. Biegler and Kennair researched the way these evolved conflicts play out over "transferrable" versus "non-transferrable" qualities in a woman's partner. Transferrable qualities are those that could directly benefit the children of a woman's mother or sister -- for example, a man's ability to provide food, shelter, and/or "protection against predators or enemies." (High status, too, would be transferrable, because of the power and perks that come with.) Non-transferrable qualities, on the other hand, are those -- like hottiehood -- that suggest a man has good genes, which would directly benefit only his female partner's own children. Accordingly, Biegler and Kennair found that moms and sisters wanted hunks for themselves but would steer their daughter or sibling to the stable guy with resources. Granted, this probably isn't a conscious move on their part -- all "gotta make her believe the rich troll is her soulmate." However, you should be conscious when seeking advice from your family members about a guy that there could be mildly nefarious ulterior motives at play. Sure, your sister wants the best for you -- the best Ugly Dave you can get who owns hotels and a plane, so she can take free luxury vacations with the recently paroled soulless hunks of the world. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.