Shudder Speed

Every photo my boyfriend takes of me is horrific (one eye kind of shut, bad angle of my face, etc.). My female friends take decent pictures of me, so it's not like it's impossible. I know my boyfriend loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. Could he be trying to keep other men from being attracted to me?

--Occasional Bride Of Frankenstein

You'd think you wouldn't have to give a man who loves you a detailed list of instructions for photographing you -- down to "immediately erase any shots in which I look like I'm having a seizure or bear a strong resemblance to a surprised goat." In fact, you are far from alone in complaining that the man you love takes terrible pictures of you -- or in worrying that it means something. However, this worry of yours probably comes out of what I call our mind's neatfreakitude. Research by cognitive neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga suggests we get so itchy over mental chaos -- being in a state of uncertainty about someone or something -- that we're quick to sweep aside inconsistencies and ignore missing information in service of creating a coherent narrative. And then (conveniently!) we turn right around and go with the story we've created -- in this case, the suspicion that your boyfriend is plotting to make you look uggo in photographs. The reality is, if you aren't a professional model being shot by a professional photographer, it sometimes takes dozens of shots to have even one you don't want to delete in horror. (Shoot my long face from above, as my boyfriend sometimes forgets and does, and I look like a movie star -- the horse that played Seabiscuit.) Because men evolved to prioritize physical attractiveness in women and women coevolved to expect this, women are extremely sensitive to being photographed in ways that don't show them off at their sparkliest. That's probably why, if you glance at various 20-something women's Instagram pages, you'll see that many strike the very same pose in photo after photo (having figured out their exact best angle, to the micrometer). Sure, some men are as acutely sensitive about engineering their perfect pose -- mostly those whose work attire is a sequined evening dress, a ginormous feather boa, and chandelier earrings the size of New Jersey.