Sane-Sex Attraction

I'm an African-American gay woman in my mid-20s. I initially had relationships with men, but I'm just not attracted to or compelled by them. Women make me feel alive, exhilarated, connected, and challenged, and sex is the bomb. So, I know I truly love women...but most lesbians, including my current girlfriend, are crazy. I can't deal with their constant breakdowns because I didn't call enough, compliment enough, rub enough, or whatever else I should be doing but am not. Things felt more emotionally balanced with men (probably because I didn't really care). I feel stuck between engaging in meaningless relationships with men and living a life of passion and disappointment with women. What would you do if you were in my little gay pink slippers?

--Fed Up

I think you need to follow the Internet traffic. A substantial portion seems to be those forwarded lists -- from both men and women -- explaining why whichever sex they're dating compares unfavorably to dogs. Clearly, we should ditch these complicated human relationships for a simpler kind of love -- the one we'd share with a partner who's beyond happy as long as we keep throwing it a dirty tennis ball and dropping pieces of food on the floor. The sad fact is, anyone who can't describe him or herself as "cocker spaniel-curious" has a problem. According to women, men's emotions run the gamut from H to H (Hungry to Horny), they think the correct place for a wet towel is "wherever it happens to fall when they're done drying off," and they leave the toilet seat up and still manage to miss the bowl. ("Why, why, why, when you have a pee device shaped like a pointer?") Men find women naggy, controlling, and prone to verbal excess -- that is, when they aren't expressing themselves with pouting and drawer-slamming. The man's left to parse whether the acting out is just a fun feature of her monthly Mr. Toad's Wild Hormone Ride -- or indicative of some crime on his part, like the failure to celebrate their second weekiversary (that all-important two-week anniversary of their second date). You've been dating women for what, 22 minutes, and a handful of emo chicks later, you're ready to pack it in for emotionally dead relationships with men? Women tend to be more emotionally demanding -- probably because they evolved to look for displays of commitment from a partner. But, women aren't your problem and men aren't the solution. Like a lot of people in their 20s, you're probably a crappy gatekeeper -- prone to rushing into a relationship because a woman's hot and fun. Before getting serious, you need to do the rationality and groundedness entrance exam: "What kind of circus are we entering into here? Will somebody be swinging from the chandelier because we got her the 'wrong' birthday card?" That said, a healthy relationship involves taking pleasure in doing the little things that please your partner -- even if you find them somewhat silly. If you get tired from all the rubbing and complimenting or whatever, go to lunch with a bunch of straight women and you'll be reminded that anybody who dates anybody has it rough. People -- can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em and be absolutely sure you'll get off on a technicality.