Rebooty And The Beast

I'm a woman in my 30s. I was married for five years, but now, thank God, I'm divorced and about two years into a wonderful new relationship. Disturbingly, I occasionally call my boyfriend by my awful ex-husband's name. He laughs it off, but it really freaks me out. Should I see a neurologist? Is my memory going? Or -- gulp -- do I miss my ex on some subconscious level?

--Disturbed

Right about now, you've got to be recognizing the unexpected benefits of those gas station attendant shirts with the guy's name sewn onto them. As with dead bodies carelessly submerged after mob hits, it's unsettling to have your ex's name bobbing up when you love somebody new. Naturally, you suspect the worst -- that you're subconsciously pining for the ex. But -- good news! -- the likely reason for your name swapperoos is something you should find comfortingly boring. According to research by cognitive scientists Samantha Deffler and David C. Rubin, we're prone to grab the wrong name out of memory when both names are in the same category -- for example, men you've been seriously involved with or, in the pet domain, gerbils you've dressed in tiny sexy outfits. You might also keep in mind that your ex's name was the default for "man in my life" for more than twice as long as the new guy's. Other memory research suggests that especially when you're tired, stressed, or multitasky, it's easy to go a little, uh, cognitively imprecise. You send your mindslave off into your brain -- back to the "My Guy" category -- and the lazy little peasant just grabs the name he spent five years grabbing. So, you might think of this as a mental workforce issue. The Department of Emotions isn't even involved. However, research by cognitive psychologist Robert Bjork suggests that you can train your memory to do better through "spaced retrieval" -- correcting yourself just post-flub by asking and answering "Who is the man in my life?" and then letting a few minutes pass and doing it again. But considering that you have a partner who just laughs at your errors, your time would probably be better spent appreciating what you have: an easygoing sweetheart of a guy and no readily apparent need for a neurologist. Bottom line: Your calling the guy by the wrong name probably points to a need for a nap, not unwanted company -- as in, a tumor named Fred squatting in the crawlspace behind your frontal lobe.