Plenty Of Fishing

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year, and I love her and think she's beautiful. However, she is very insecure about her looks, and she asks me all the time whether I think she looks pretty. It's getting tiring constantly reassuring her. Is there some tool I could be using to help her feel more secure?

--Stumped

I'm sure it's exhausting doing the daily "Hi, gorgeous!" skywriting and cleaning up after the rented elephant that pulls the "You're beautiful, baby!" billboard. Only -- oh, wait... you're actually just tired from verbally "reassuring her," which, admittedly, probably takes at least several words and a whole 10 seconds -- if you include the time it takes for her to beam and go, "Reeeeally?!" Yes, it is important for you to reassure her -- but, in doing that, motivation counts. Social psychologist Shelly Gable finds that relationships tend to be happier when those in them are guided by "approach" rather than "avoidance" goals. In normal-person terms, this means striving for positive outcomes rather than trying to avoid negative ones. In this case, an avoidance goal would be telling your girlfriend she's beautiful in order to keep her from nagging you, but taking the "approach" approach would be doing it because you want her to feel good. And here's a secret: Break out the compliments before she asks and you might keep her from starting to worry that she needs "extra-coverage" makeup -- the kind that involves scaffolding, three workmen, and $200 worth of drywall.