Platonic Bomb

A guy I know grates on me because he only has female friends. He apparently tried to get involved with each of them at some point but got rejected. Why doesn't he find male friends instead of preying on women (under the guise of friendship) who probably trust him not to hit on them?

--Disgusted

This guy probably lives in eternal hope about each female friend, dreaming of the day he can be of service when she drops something on his floor -- like her panties. Though you don't mention him trying to roofie his dreams into reality, his behavior probably "grates" on you because you take a less sexually opportunistic approach to your friendships with men. We humans "are disposed ... to imagine that other minds are much like our own," explains anthropologist Donald Symons, and they often are. However, we're prone to assume they should be like our own, so when someone thinks differently, we tend to see them as wrong (and maybe kind of awful) and not just different. Men and women (and male and female minds) are more alike than different. However, our differing physiologies -- like which sex gets pregnant and needs to guard against having to raise a kid solo -- led to the evolution of psychological differences, like women's greater choosiness in whom they'll have sex with. Though both men and women sometimes tumble into bed with their opposite-sex friends, for many men, the friendship zone seems to double as a "well, try your best to turn her into a sexfriend!" zone. Evolutionary psychologist April Bleske-Rechek, researching sex differences in how people perceive their opposite-sex friends, finds that a man is more likely to define a female friend as someone he's attracted to "and would pursue given the opportunity," while a woman is more likely to define a male friend simply as "a friend of the opposite sex." Maybe you think friendship should be a "safe space," guaranteed to remain endlessly platonic. And maybe that's unrealistic -- unless you avoid having friends who might hit on you. You could try to view this guy's behavior in a more compassionate light. Chances are he's a beta male who can't compete with the alphas in the normal mating sphere, like on Tinder or at parties. He's probably doing the best he can with the one edge he has, the scheme-y smarts to surround himself with a bunch of pretty ladies. (Living in a dude-filled monastery only works for a guy whose pet name for his beloved is "The Almighty.") ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.