Pi In The Face

Not to brag, but I'm a very intelligent woman with probably too many degrees. I'm always thrilled when a guy says he's seeking "a smart woman." However, a guy who initially said that just stopped dating me because he finds my intelligence "emasculating." Do all men feel this way? Am I supposed to dumb it down to find a partner?

--Smarts

Men don't mind being corrected by a woman if it's "Oooh, yes...a little more to the right" -- not "I think you meant 'whom,' but hey, no judgments." The reality is, intellectually average women tend to have an easier time finding a partner. In research by social psychologist Lora E. Park, men imagining their hypothetical ideal partner expressed interest in a woman of high intelligence -- even higher than their own. However, when they were in the same room with a woman and they were were told she scored far better on a math test (getting 90 percent correct versus their 60 percent), the men were less interested in exchanging contact info or planning a date with her. Park and her colleagues speculate -- per research by evolutionary psychologists reflecting women's preference for male partners who are higher-achieving than they are -- that being intellectually "outperformed" by women leads men to experience "diminished feelings of masculinity." (Understandable -- as nothing quite ignites romance like needing to coax your date out from under the couch: "Why are you hiding? I promised not to hurt you with my mind!") The answer for you, as a very smart woman, isn't dumbing down; it's being selective about the men you date (while recognizing that there are brainiacs working as, say, cabinetmakers). Assuming you aren't chasing guys away by lording over them -- "Well, hello...intellectual earthworm!" -- it's probably best to narrow your search parameters to the highly intelligent: men who won't feel like their IQ test results, in comparison with yours, would read something like "Water every other day, and place in indirect sunlight."