Persistent Coffin

I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. His wife of 30 years died six years ago, but he still calls her "my wife," talked about her in the bedroom until I got mad, and still mentions her constantly. When I got angry about that, he blew up and said he'd talk about her whenever and however he wants. I love him, but is this normal?

--Sad Heart

Three's a crowd, even if one of you is dead. Now, after 30 years, it's normal that he'd still talk about her. To a point. Yet, there you are in bed, enjoying the afterglow, and he rolls over and says, "Betty and I went to the Ozarks one time. Had a great time. Doubt you and I could ever match it. Might as well stay home and talk about Betty!" What he really needs to talk about is whether he wants a new life or just an audience for the old one. In a neutral moment, tell him you know he loved her and had a wonderful life with her, but it hurts to always be hearing about her -- and in a way that sounds like he's married to her and getting some on the side from you. If he wants to be with you, he needs to act like he accepts that he lost his wife -- and not just somewhere between Spencer's Gifts and Cinnabon.