Out Of Leftover Field

My buddy was hit on by a girl he plays softball with, but he politely told her he is married, and they've since become friends. Recently, he set me up with her. She's actually very cute and nice, but I can tell that she still likes my friend. I feel like a consolation prize. Is that just in my head? Should I let this girl go even though I like her?

--Runner-Up

People often give their romantic partners food-related nicknames. Maybe yours can be "my little half-eaten muffin that somebody handed the homeless guy." This woman knows in her rational mind that there's a big wife-shaped roadblock between her and your friend. The problem is, when she initially turned getting him into a goal, she switched on the human motivational system, which is highly efficient in maintaining a craving but lacks an off switch for easily discontinuing one. As for where this leaves you, well, in game show terms, your friend's the trip to Bermuda; you're the set of steak knives. When somebody you want still wants somebody else, the temptation is to chase after them and then tie them to a chair and pontificate on your greatness. That's the most counterproductive thing you could do. This isn't to say you have to give up on this girl. Just forgo hot pursuit for lukewarm pursuit. Instead of going whole hog, go one-eighth or one-sixteenth hog. In practical terms, make yourself occasionally available but generally somewhat scarce. She should have the sense that you're also dating other women, and ideally, you are doing that. A month from now, if she's still looking at your buddy the way a dog looks at a piece of bacon teetering on a counter ledge, it's probably time to move on. When your future wife tells the grandkids, "I'll always remember when I first saw your granddad," the rest of that shouldn't be, "Because I've still got the hots for the guy who fixed us up."