top of page
APPLIED SCIENCE EXPERT AMY ALKON
Empowering you through science for your best health and boldest life
Nobody To Codepend On
Lobster
My boyfriend and I were invited to dinner at our friends' house. An hour after the appointed time, another friend of theirs, a woman who's been single for at least a decade, still hadn't left her house. She called with a crisis about what she was bringing, wearing, etc. (She always seems to have some crisis.) The hostess calmed her down, telling her to just come. Upon hanging up, she said that she thinks marriage both requires sanity and helps keep people sane and that people who are unmarried and living alone for an extended time seem to get increasingly neurotic. That seems a bit unfair, but I can see her point.
, shows that many studies claiming married people are much better off than singles have serious flaws in methodology, and the modest claims of solid studies are frequently distorted, exaggerated, and turned into media catnip by the agenda-driven. As a result, "single" is so automatically viewed as the companion to "miserable" (and the prelude to getting your face eaten off by your cat) that even respected researcher Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington can't see her faulty reasoning in concluding, "Happily married couples are healthier, happier, wealthier, and sexier than are singles." Note that she's comparing HAPPILY MARRIED people with ALL single people. Yes, shockingly, happily married people are happier than clinically depressed single people and all the married people who just couldn't stand the nonstop joy and are getting divorced.
Your friend makes a mistake in throwing all the single eggs in one basket. Some people are single and living alone because they have unresolved issues, and some are because a whole lot of other people do. Others simply prefer living alone. (Why have a mancave when you can have a manhome?) Studies do show definite benefits to being (happily) married, such as having a sounding board, a ready source of sex and hugs, and someone to help you pick up the pieces when you drop them. If you're single, these benefits aren't unavailable to you; they just take more thought and effort to obtain. For example, you can share a house or duplex with a friend, create a community of friends, and have at least one close friend who knows just about everything about you and is allowed and even encouraged to tell you when you're being an idiot. Whatever you do, don't let that "dying alone!" business get to you. Somebody can tough it out for 30 years with a person and, wouldn't you know it, have that final heart attack just moments after their spouse runs out to the store with a coupon for 40 cents off cottage cheese.
--Unhitched
It can be harder to indulge one's eccentricities in a marriage. Before you even turn the front door knob to head off to work in the morning, there's your spouse blurting out, "You know, that tie really clashes with the Kleenex boxes on your feet." In other words, no, a wedding isn't a rose-petal-scattered transporter beam out of neurosis or more serious psych problems, and we shouldn't be quick to assume people who get married are more well-adjusted than people who don't. Some states require a blood test before you marry; none tests to make sure you aren't cuckoo for more than Cocoa Puffs. Psychologist Dr. Bella DePaulo, in Singled Out, shows that many studies claiming married people are much better off than singles have serious flaws in methodology, and the modest claims of solid studies are frequently distorted, exaggerated, and turned into media catnip by the agenda-driven. As a result, "single" is so automatically viewed as the companion to "miserable" (and the prelude to getting your face eaten off by your cat) that even respected researcher Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington can't see her faulty reasoning in concluding, "Happily married couples are healthier, happier, wealthier, and sexier than are singles." Note that she's comparing HAPPILY MARRIED people with ALL single people. Yes, shockingly, happily married people are happier than clinically depressed single people and all the married people who just couldn't stand the nonstop joy and are getting divorced.
Your friend makes a mistake in throwing all the single eggs in one basket. Some people are single and living alone because they have unresolved issues, and some are because a whole lot of other people do. Others simply prefer living alone. (Why have a mancave when you can have a manhome?) Studies do show definite benefits to being (happily) married, such as having a sounding board, a ready source of sex and hugs, and someone to help you pick up the pieces when you drop them. If you're single, these benefits aren't unavailable to you; they just take more thought and effort to obtain. For example, you can share a house or duplex with a friend, create a community of friends, and have at least one close friend who knows just about everything about you and is allowed and even encouraged to tell you when you're being an idiot. Whatever you do, don't let that "dying alone!" business get to you. Somebody can tough it out for 30 years with a person and, wouldn't you know it, have that final heart attack just moments after their spouse runs out to the store with a coupon for 40 cents off cottage cheese.
bottom of page