Nice Boning Structure

I'm 25, and my boyfriend is 29. He is super-sweet, is a good person, and treats me really well. However, recently, he told my roommate that she has "nice cheekbones." I didn't say anything, but I think this was inappropriate. It's not like "I like your shirt" or whatever. It's about another woman's beauty. Can I tell him I don't want him complimenting other women in the future?

--Hurt

It says something when a man notices a nice view -- like that it's only a matter of time before he and that pretty orange sunset are sneaking out to his car to have sex. Okay, it's possible that "nice cheekbones" is man-speak for "Those are some hypno-hooters you got there, honey." But maybe he was just trying to say something nice. Or maybe he was mesmerized in a bad way -- like "Whoa...are those forceps marks?" -- and he noticed her noticing and ducked for verbal cover. As for why you find this upsetting, consider that our emotions aren't just feelings; they tell us what to do. The disturbing emotion of jealousy, for example, is what evolutionary psychologist David Buss calls a "coping device" for "mate retention" -- an alarm system that helps us guard against being cheated on. However, sometimes this alarm system can be a little oversensitive and in need of recalibration -- like the one at my parents' house that used to go off whenever my uncle cut one in the den. In deciding whether you should say something, context matters. You describe your boyfriend as attentive, "super-sweet," and "a good person." If he isn't regularly jawing on about other women's looks, maybe it's a little premature to turn your relationship into a repressive regime. Model your free speech policy on that of Iran or North Korea and it's only a matter of time before you're in a date-night rut: "So...same old, same old...dinner and a cavity search?"