My Fare Lady

I've been dating a guy for just over a month. He's asked me to go with him to an out-of-state wedding (across the country) several weeks from now, but he didn't mention buying me a plane ticket. I think he should buy it because he invited me. Am I expecting too much?

--Unsure

Chances are he doesn't expect you to mail yourself in a really big crate or saddle up Hortense the limping mule and meet him there -- just in time for the divorce party. Should you pick up the tab for your ticket? I don't think so -- and not just because the guy invited you as his guest. Destination weddings in exotic places (or simply faraway weddings in dull and unglamorous locales) are not vacations. They are social obligations, big life events that are reinforced by the presence of witnesses. Having the community as an "audience" to a marriage ceremony is thought by Matthijs Kalmijn and other sociologists to help reinforce a couple's lifelong commitment. The ceremony is typically followed by an open bar, some fancy grub, and a Beyonce cover band so the wedding is attended by more than the bride and groom's teary-eyed relatives and a homeless guy who snuck in looking for free hooch. Don't let this question fester in your mind to the point that you're tempted to snarl at the guy, "Hey, tightwad, you planning to pay for my ticket or what?!" Ask right away, something like: "What's the transportation situation? How are we getting to the wedding?" Assuming he doesn't generally seem weirdly stingy, there's a good chance he's planning to buy your ticket but didn't think to make it clear. There are a number of reasons a person spends hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket, and it's generally not so they can eat free cake with a bunch of strangers on the other side of the country. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.