Mop! In The Name Of Love

Why are men okay with living in gross conditions? The guy I started dating is a sweetheart, but his place is absolutely disgusting (including the kitchen and bathroom). He doesn't even notice it. Why do women seem to have a higher standard for cleanliness than men?

--Dismayed

Some men do wait a while to clean the bathroom -- like until they go from needing a bottle of Mr. Clean to needing a bottle of Mr. Arson. Science suggests you're right in observing that men, generally speaking, are less disturbed by gross living conditions. Study after study finds higher "disgust sensitivity" in women, meaning women tend to be more icked out by signs of pathogens -- bacteria and microorganisms -- and indications of possible infection or disease. Evolutionary psychologist Diana Fleischman explains that women have faced recurring issues over evolutionary history that may have led to "heightened pathogen disgust sensitivity." These include women's temporary declines in immunity during the menstrual cycle and pregnancy. "Women also must protect children and infants who are vulnerable (to) disease." Additionally, women are "uniquely able" to pass infections on to their offspring during pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. Let the guy know you're a woman with needs: clean sheets and towels, a clean bathroom and kitchen, and general housekeeping at his place. Suggest options (rather than telling him what to do): He could clean the place himself; however, hiring a cleaning service (especially for the first go-round) might be a good idea. Professionals have vastly higher standards for cleanliness, while he seems to be waiting for a sign to scour the place -- like the crud on the coffee table growling at him when he sets down his beer. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.