Mitey Aphrodite

I've been dating a really sweet guy for a month and a half. Three weeks in, I knew I had to end it, but he really likes me and somehow talked me into staying. Last night, I realized I absolutely must end it...immediately! How do I do this gently and make it stick?

--Dreading The Day

"If you love something, set it free" is, I guess, helpful advice for those whose first thought is "If you love something, lure it into your house and lock it in your basement." But, what you and a whole lot of people need to hear is "If you pity something, set it free." When you aren't into a guy who's into you, the kindest thing you can do is snuff out all hope. Cut him loose as soon as possible and as definitively as possible. Be starkly honest that it's over but vague and maybe even dishonest about why (for example, you just don't have "chemistry"). Giving specifics is usually mean and gives your dumpee wiggle room: "I'll take sex lessons! And comedy lessons! I'll even start reading books." By letting it get to this point, you're prone to lash out with a suggestion of exactly the sort of book he needs to read: "How To Get a New Head, Body, and Personality, and To Think, Smell, and Talk Like a Totally Different Person: A Love Story."