Mild Kingdom

My girlfriend's love of animals is causing some tension. She cannot watch any movie in which an animal gets hurt or dies. Telling her to remember that it's a movie and the animal doesn't actually die just makes her really mad. She'll say my knowing animal suffering upsets her should be enough of a reason.

--Rational

Never mind that "Titanic" is a movie about 1,500 people drowning in the freezing Atlantic Ocean. For some, what matters is "Omigod, did that lady's goldfish die?" And wouldn't you know it, there's a site for these people, doesthedogdie.com, which details whether animals in a movie are depicted getting injured or killed and confirms that no, in "Titanic," "Old Rose's dog and goldfish are not harmed." Phew, huh? Snarking aside, no amount of turning to your girlfriend and saying "Oh, come on, that dog has an agent and headshots!" will change her need to live in a world where Old Yeller never bites it. There's also a good chance that much of her upset is about what she thinks your reaction means -- that you don't care about her feelings. Try putting on a new you -- telling her that you understand how hard it is for her to see animals suffer, that you'll let her know when she can uncover her eyes when you're watching TV, and that you'll go alone to movies in which aliens snack on deer. This should dial back the tension so you two can snuggle on the couch together, watching humans being shot, bludgeoned, and hacked to pieces. (Do the gentlemanly thing and cover her eyes if the camera pulls out to reveal an ant trap.)