Merchant Of Vroom

Four or five months ago, I had an amazing dinner date with this guy. I ended up sleeping with him afterward, and he disappeared. Out of the blue, he contacted me, wanting to take me to dinner. How do I know he won't pull the same jerko Houdini move?

--Suspicious

When you're on a first date and you'd like there to be a second date, it's okay to leave a little lipstick on the rim of the glass. Your face should not end up smeared across the guy's pillow. Sure, there are couples who had sex on (or even before) the first date and have spent the next 67.3 years living happily ever after. But if you're a woman wanting a relationship, be mindful that sex on the first date is a risky strategy. As researcher Anne Campbell dryly put it, "Women's mate value is perceived to be low if they are willing to agree to low-cost sex" (as in, casual sex). A man will probably take it if he can get it -- but he's likely to, as they say, "sex it and exit." As for this guy, he's already shown you that he IS someone who pulls "jerko Houdini" moves, with not so much as a texted "thx 4 putting out!!" the last time. If despite that, you agree to see him again, what prevents him from disappearing after sex is your ending the evening with your clothes on instead of on his bedroom rug. Unfortunately, the heat of the moment tends not to be home to Spock-like rationality and reserve. To guide how soon you'll get naked, go into a date with your ultimate goal in mind -- whether you have what anthropologists call a "long-term mating strategy" or whether you aren't so much looking for Mr. Right as you are Mr. Right Next To You At The Bar.