Meet Joe Blackboard

I've been in love with my former high-school teacher for five years. We grew close when I was a student, but nothing physical happened. I'm now an adult, and we talk frequently (and rather flirtatiously) on the phone. I would pursue him if he weren't married, with a family. Now I just need to admit my feelings to him and ask what his intentions ever were. I refuse to believe that he finds our constant chats to be completely innocent, and I don't think I can go on without telling him how crazy he's making me.

--Smitten

When somebody at a cocktail party asks the guy "What do you do?" his answer isn't supposed to be "My former students." Sure, you're now an adult. Unfortunately, he's still a husband. But never mind that; you've got feelings clawing to get out. And that is a problem. James Pennebaker, who researches emotional expression, explains that "actively holding back or inhibiting our thoughts and feelings can be hard work." It causes a lot of tension -- which is uncomfortable, making you long to release your pent-up feelings. In other words, a crushing need to be "honest" isn't necessarily courageous or noble. It's the psychological version of needing to pee. As for how Mr. Homeroom feels, probably like a guy whose wedding vows are supposed to trump "hot for teacher." Luckily, there's a simple way to avoid the impulse to tell him "how crazy" he's making you: Cut off all contact. No doubt, it can be a highly rewarding thing for a teacher when his life is changed by a student -- except if that change is from happily married daddy to miserably separated dude living in his kids' backyard playhouse.