Meet Joe Beige

I've been dating this guy for a month. Things with him are really average. However, we met through a mutual guy friend, and I'm actually really into that guy. Could my staying with the guy I'm seeing spark jealousy in the friend and lead him to make a play for me?

--Wrong Place

Sext your boyfriend and ask him to forward it to his friend. Kidding, obviously. But at least that would end things between you. That's the right thing to do -- as opposed to staying with the guy and using his interest in you as bait to attract the dude you really want. By the way, it's probably unrealistic to think the other dude will swoop in, elbow his buddy out of the way, and run off with you. Mate poaching -- somebody "stealing" another person's romantic partner mid-relationship -- has likely been a common form of mate acquisition throughout human evolutionary history, explains evolutionary psychologist David Schmitt. However, it has its costs. Schmitt notes that mate poaching can lead to undesirable "social consequences": violent retribution from the poached person's partner, damage to one's reputation (especially for a guy who poaches his buddy's girl), and exile from one's social world. The relationships formed through mate poaching also tend to be less than dreamy. Research by social psychologist Joshua Foster and his colleagues found that "individuals who were poached by their current romantic partners were less committed, less satisfied, and less invested in their relationships" than non-poached relationship partners. The sort of people who let themselves be poached (from their previous relationship into their current one) tended to have a wandering eye -- paying "more attention to romantic alternatives" and cheating more often than the non-poached. The moment you realize you've got the lukewarms for a guy is the moment you should break it off and move on. You'll be that much further along in meeting somebody who might be right for you. Plus, your sharing any more than a date or two (and a chaste kiss, no nudity) with a guy you're not that into is likely to make his dude friends classify you as off-limits. Of course, it's also seriously unfair to the meh man (who is also a person with feelings) for you to slow-walk him off the plank. Sure, there's this idea that a romantic partner will be your shelter, but that's not supposed to mean they're the bus stop where you wait till the guy you're actually into picks you up. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.