May I Have This Glance?

I'm a 23-year-old woman who's clueless about how to flirt with a stranger. I'm not really good at small talk, and sometimes I'll see a cute guy at the coffeehouse and wonder later whether I could have sent some signals his way. All my boyfriends have started as friends, so I never really learned this stuff.

-Clueless

Flirting isn't the only way to get a stranger to stop for you -- but it tends to be more socially acceptable than shooting a tranquilizer dart into their neck. Flirting from across a coffee shop is an expert-level maneuver and requires time you may not have if a guy is just running in for a latte. Behavioral science researchers find that it generally takes repeated instances (say, three) of a woman making eye contact with a man and then looking away for him to go, "Wait -- who, me?" A better bet is moseying over while the guy is at the coffee fixings bar or sitting down at the table next to his and casually saying something. You don't need to be good at small talk -- just small questions. Ask about something. Anything. His antique watch. His haircut. Where the whole milk ran off to. And then, instead of trying to sell him on you, keep asking him about himself. (When you keep a conversation focused on another person, they're more likely to warm to you.) Don't worry if you come off a little nervous or awkward. If a guy's into you, it won't matter. Even if he isn't, he'll probably be pleasantly surprised by your interest, as men who are not movie stars are rarely approached by women who aren't begging for drug money or out on the street after gnawing through their bed restraints.