Making Stall Talk

After three years of dating, I'm ready to propose to my girlfriend. She's in college across the country now, so I'm waiting until late February when she'll be home to visit. My plan is to take her on our favorite hike and ask her there. The thing is, we've been arguing about when (and if) I'm going to propose. It's starting to get awkward and maybe even hurting our relationship, but I'd hate to ruin the surprise by telling her I'll be proposing in a few months and not to worry. Any ideas on how I can keep the peace while keeping my secret?

--The Gloom

At a certain point, a woman starts to believe the only way she'll get rice thrown at her is to start a food fight at a Chinese restaurant. Of course you want to propose just right, out in nature, complete with small woodland animals holding the "Will you marry me?" sign and breaking out in song. The reality is, you'll probably do okay with just about any proposal that includes a diamond ring and the words, "Will you marry me?" (Ever hear of a woman complaining, "Yeah, all he did is get down on one knee, pull out the little velvet box and tell me he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together"?) So maybe what's better than the perfect proposal is the perfect-enough proposal -- the one that comes before your girlfriend builds up so much resentment that she changes her voicemail message to "Sorry, can't come to the phone right now. I'm having revenge sex with the guy in the next dorm room." You're smart to want to take advantage of the romantic power of surprise, but you can do that on any old Wednesday. My suggestion is that you get on the phone with her one morning (extremely soon) and make like your boss has interrupted your call. Tell her you'll talk to her later, and do that -- at her door on one knee. The unexpectedness and the extravagance of your flying there will give her a romantic story to tell in class the next day, and doing it sooner rather than later will allow her to spend the next few months engaged instead of enraged. (Not to worry -- you'll have a lifetime of opportunities to make her so pissed off that she refuses to have sex with you ever again.)