Love Is Bland

How do I find a nice guy? I'm 26, educated and attractive, and I can spell. I'm a figure skater, so most of the guys I interact with are under 18 or gay. I'm really not into the bar scene, either.

--Circling The Rink

You say you're looking for a "nice guy," then you narrow that down: He can't be gay, 16, or wearing more Lycra, sequins, and tassels than you are. When I emailed you to further narrow what you're seeking, you said, "I don't know exactly...nice, intelligent, educated...not a jerk/boor." Well, that winnows it. Shockingly, you aren't looking for a guy who's evil, uneducated, unethical, and crass. Refining what you want beyond generic good qualities takes getting a good sense of who you are and what you value. But, if you're like a lot of women, you'll also need to date the wrong guys to pare down who's right for you. This requires leaving the ice rink. Go places. Throw parties. Smile, flirt, be friendly. Maybe even in bars. No, you don't have to join "the bar scene." Just stop by for happy hour and flirt with some guy who's having a beer with his business partner. He may not be "nice, intelligent, educated," but when he stands up, odds are 26,879,000,000-to-1 that you'll find he's wearing businessman pants, not electric-blue shimmery tights with fishnet side panels.